Monday, September 12, 2011

Perspective

Yesterday morning I woke up and took what seems like my 100th pregnancy test. And for the 100th time it was negative. I spent a few hours crying on the couch thinking why me? I thought for sure that this was our month. Being on fertility meds and going to numerous appointments steps things up and makes it that much harder when it doesn't work out.  I seriously had a major pity party and could only think about myself and wondered why my life is so hard.

I remembered that it was 9/11 and wanted to watch the Music and the Spoken Word because I knew it was going to be a 9/11 tribute. Before it started I watched some of the news coverage of the 10th anniversary. As I watched the specials on TV, I realized how grateful I am for my life and the trials I have been given. My heart broke over and over again as I watched families on the TV grieving at the loss of their family members. Only a few hours prior I had been thinking of how hard my life was. But then I had an entirely different perspective.

Last month it was my turn to teach in Relief Society. I felt inspired to teach the topic of Having an Eternal Perspective. I want to tell an example that one of our sisters in our ward shared. She said that her 1 year old daughter will ask for a drink when they are in the kitchen. This sister acknowledges what her daughter has said, but turns away from her daughter to get the drink. Her daughter then starts to cry because she doesn't see her mom getting the drink. When the mom is actually doing exactly what she asked, getting her a drink. She compared this to us, and asking for things from our Heavenly Father. We ask, and he is working on it. We just become impatient and aren't willing to accept or are unhappy with the timing.

I won't lie, infertility is a very hard trial in my life. But I know that it is only a small moment in the scheme of things. I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation and knowledge that my family will be together forever. It brings such comfort when we are hurting. I know that one day I will become pregnant and have children of my own, it just might not be exactly when I want it to happen.



Along with the rest of the world, I want to recall the memory I have of September 11th. It amazes me that it really has been 10 years. The students I have taught this year and the past few, have no recollection because they weren't born, or were born that year.

I remember 9/11 like most others. My mom had to work that day and my dad took me to school at Spanish Fork Junior High. I was in 9th grade and my 1st period was Mr. Loveless. I remember loving him as a teacher because he was so hard to read. He never smiled and was very gruff. It was my goal in life to make him laugh. When I went into his class, he was watching the TV with one of the gym teachers and baseball coaches. I remember seeing the 2nd plane crash into the tower and wondering where that tower was. I had no idea what the Twin Towers were and where they were located. I remember thinking that it was sad that the planes had crashed. But it wasn't until a later class that I realized the crashes had been on purpose, and that our country was under attack.

7 comments:

Karie said...

I love the drink analogy. I've got to remember that. You're still in my prayers!

Michele said...

Thank you for sharing this. You are awesome, Alyse! I know how it is to get negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, it is pretty rough. I am always reminding myself to trust in the Lord's timing. I hope things work out for you soon, and when they do you will be awesome parents!

Brianne said...

Alyse, you are wonderful. I feel your pain and know how awful it is looking at that 100th negative test and feeling sorry for yourself. Hope never dies where faith is strong and faith grows in the presence of hope! So keep your faith and hope up and it will come! Keeping you in my thoughts.

Matt and Melissa said...

Thank you for that post. It was wonderful. I really liked that sweet analogy of waiting for a drink of water.

blindblogger said...

alyse I was so inspired by this.

Anderson Family said...

Thanks for sharing Alyse this lovely post. I will be honest I cried today as I read your post. You are still in my prayers I love you. I really hope my little girl turns out to be as sweet as you are.

Kaitlyn said...

Alyse, I am still praying for you and I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you. You are so strong and I can't imagine the pain you are in. I just want you to know that I am here for you, still praying and thinking about you and will never forget all that you have taught me and keep teaching me. Your story and positive outlook is helping so many people, I know that doesn't make anything else better but hearing your story helps others feel not alone and gives them hope because of your faith. Thanks girl!