Yesterday morning I woke up and took what seems like my 100th pregnancy test. And for the 100th time it was negative. I spent a few hours crying on the couch thinking why me? I thought for sure that this was our month. Being on fertility meds and going to numerous appointments steps things up and makes it that much harder when it doesn't work out. I seriously had a major pity party and could only think about myself and wondered why my life is so hard.
I remembered that it was 9/11 and wanted to watch the Music and the Spoken Word because I knew it was going to be a 9/11 tribute. Before it started I watched some of the news coverage of the 10th anniversary. As I watched the specials on TV, I realized how grateful I am for my life and the trials I have been given. My heart broke over and over again as I watched families on the TV grieving at the loss of their family members. Only a few hours prior I had been thinking of how hard my life was. But then I had an entirely different perspective.
Last month it was my turn to teach in Relief Society. I felt inspired to teach the topic of Having an Eternal Perspective. I want to tell an example that one of our sisters in our ward shared. She said that her 1 year old daughter will ask for a drink when they are in the kitchen. This sister acknowledges what her daughter has said, but turns away from her daughter to get the drink. Her daughter then starts to cry because she doesn't see her mom getting the drink. When the mom is actually doing exactly what she asked, getting her a drink. She compared this to us, and asking for things from our Heavenly Father. We ask, and he is working on it. We just become impatient and aren't willing to accept or are unhappy with the timing.
I won't lie, infertility is a very hard trial in my life. But I know that it is only a small moment in the scheme of things. I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation and knowledge that my family will be together forever. It brings such comfort when we are hurting. I know that one day I will become pregnant and have children of my own, it just might not be exactly when I want it to happen.
Along with the rest of the world, I want to recall the memory I have of September 11th. It amazes me that it really has been 10 years. The students I have taught this year and the past few, have no recollection because they weren't born, or were born that year.
I remember 9/11 like most others. My mom had to work that day and my dad took me to school at Spanish Fork Junior High. I was in 9th grade and my 1st period was Mr. Loveless. I remember loving him as a teacher because he was so hard to read. He never smiled and was very gruff. It was my goal in life to make him laugh. When I went into his class, he was watching the TV with one of the gym teachers and baseball coaches. I remember seeing the 2nd plane crash into the tower and wondering where that tower was. I had no idea what the Twin Towers were and where they were located. I remember thinking that it was sad that the planes had crashed. But it wasn't until a later class that I realized the crashes had been on purpose, and that our country was under attack.